a.k.a. Shawn Honnick specializing in wonderful since 1968
*also Chipotle pictures, NYC adventures, and little known safety tactics like fake hand washing.
**If you're a disgruntled employee, do something about it (no, it's not a pyramid... THIS is the PYRAMID) or just sit around and grumble like everyone over at the disgruntled employee forums.
Posts tagged: fun
(via incubao)
(via blua)
The Law of Pure Potentiality
- Take time each day to be silent, to connect with your spirit, just be.
- Practice non judgement. Begin each day with the statement, “Today I shall judge nothing that occurs”, and throughout the day remind yourself of that statement each time you catch yourself judging.
- Commune with nature. Silently observe the intelligence within everything. Watch a sunset, listen to the sound of the ocean, or simply smell the scent of a flower.
The Law of Giving and Receiving
- Give a gift to everyone you encounter, be it in a compliment, a flower, or a prayer. This will begin the process of circulating joy and affluence in your life and in the lives of others.
- Gratefully receive every gift that life offers you. Be open to receiving, whether it be a material gift from others, a complement, or prayer.
- Silently wish everyone you encounter happiness, joy, and laughter. By giving and receiving gifts of caring, affection, appreciation, and love, you will keep wealth circulating in your life.
The Law of Karma (or Cause and Effect)
- Witness the choices you make in every moment. The best way to prepare for any moment in the future s to be fully conscious in the present.
- Whenever you make the choice, ask yourself two questions: “What are the consequences of this choice?” and “Will this choice bring happiness to me and to those who are affected by this choice?”
- Ask your heart for guidance, and be guided by its message of comfort or discomfort. If the choice feels comfortable, go ahead with that choice. If the choice feels uncomfortable, then don’t make that choice.
The Law of Least Effort
- Accept people, circumstances, and events as they are in this moment. When confronted with any challenge, remind yourself, “This moment is as it should be.” because the entire universe is as it should be.
- Take responsibilities for your situations without blaming anything or anyone including yourself. Every problem is an opportunity to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit.
- Relinquish the need to defend your point of view. In defenselessness, you remain open to all points of view, not rigidly attached to one of them.
The Law of Intention and Desire
- Make a list of your intentions and desires, and look at this list before you go into silence, before you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning.
- Release your desires to the field of pure potentiality, trusting it to handle all the details for you. Know that when things don’t seem to go your way, there is a reason.
- Practice present-moment awareness in all your actions. Refuse to allow obstacles to consume your attention in the present moment.
The Law of Detachment
- Practice detached involvement. Stay alert to the opportunity within every problem by letting go of your idea how things should be.
- Accept uncertainty as an essential part of your experience. In your willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously appear.
- Remain open to all possibilities and enjoy every moment in the journey of your life —— all the fun, mystery, and magic in the field of pure potentiality.
The Law of Dharma (or Purpose in Life)
- Nurture the divinity within you, the spirit animating your body and mind, by carrying the consciousness of timeless Being in the midst of time-bound experience.
- Make a list of your unique talents. Then list all the things that you love to do while expressing these talents.
- Ask yourself daily, “How can I help?” and “How can I serve?” The answers to these questions will help you to serve your fellow human beings with love.
None of this is made up. People really did put this stupid crazy shit on their resumes or job applications.
1. I am very detail-oreinted.
2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
5. It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
8. If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
9. My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.
17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
19. I am a rabid typist.
20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.
25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
27. Special skills: Thyping.
28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
29. I can play well with others.
30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.
33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.
34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
35. I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and implementation.
37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
41. Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.
42. Referees available upon request.
43. Previous rank: Senior instigator.
44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
47. Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
49. Strengths: Impersonal skills.
50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.
52. Vocational plans: Sea World.
Oh please god let this happen.
I think he should call it “waterboarding for fun and profit. That guy never does anything for free.
Friday night fun with the Three Stooges on Hulu.
fun
Youniverse.com - Be Understood - Module
This is fun. Its a visual DNA so to speak. You pick one pic and then you’ll get another set and you go through and it will give you an end result.
fun indeed… ok now, back to work for me! :-)
vb:
mfs:
yes, I know this is a little tedious, cheesy or whatnot but I figured what the hell. I’d really like to see the people I tagged do this too, pretty please?
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
I was tagged by vb
- I take a lot of pictures of vanity plates.
- I was expelled from every school I attended before 12th grade.
- I made the principal’s list in 12th grade because I had a really hot teachers for English and Science that year.
- I was once a plumber. I am still frequently tempted to fix leaks and unclog drains.
- I made a lot of money in Multi Level Marketing but quit because it was a scam.
- I sold high end jewelry for a short while. Diamonds are also a scam.
- My desk at work is not at all clean or tidy. My desk at home is much worse. The rest of my house is really clean, but this is primarily due to housemates.
- I work for a fortune 100 company.
- I went to a KISS concert at age 9. That’s where it all started.
- My Dad tried to get me into photography throughout my childhood and, after ignoring the idea for most of my life, I now carry a camera phone and constantly take pictures and and “moblog” them as I go about my day. There’s actually another reason for this, but it’s as if I’m making up for lost time. My Dad looks at them all. He probably laughed really loud reading this.
- My first skateboard was made of wood and had wheels that were definitely not synthetic. I don’t think they even had ball bearings.
- I can play the guitar like ringin’ a bell.
- I love black olives on pizza. Bonus if they’re real Greek olives.
- I lived in the West Village for a while. Then Brooklyn, then UWS.
- I was a Mac hater until I got one. Now I only use a PC at work.
- I’ve never been tagged on one of these things and, not suprisingly, told myself they were dumb and I would never want to do it anyway… :-)
now it’s your turn, i am tagging:
johana, sethweisfeld, ariah, emilayyp, nixsantos, capriquarius, kenezra, bluddyellmiss, williac, EL*7, pandaface, crystallinelullaby, ginamon, beartist, lemonwater, marychrist
