Categories
Candy Foods Kids

Nerds in my oatmeal

The COVID-19 era has landed me in a position I never could have imagined. I jokingly call myself “School Lunch Dad” nowadays when people ask what I “do” (other than driving in circles). Of course, my new title is kinda real…most of my daily responsibilities surround my daughter and her virtual schooling, which I will share MANY thoughts on…later. Mostly I make her meals and snacks. She’s a pretty good student, even on a Chromebook. She must get that from her Mom!

Today, as I plopped down on the couch for my late morning oats (I make us both an egg centered breakfast MUCH earlier each morning), I saw this empty box of Nerds…just sitting there…on the couch. We’re still working on the whole “clean up” idea around here—and by “we” on that topic, I’m definitely included. Later, I let her know I was throwing the box away for her. She protested heavily. It’s a nice box apparently.

Anyway, I found myself briefly wondering if some weirdo on the Internet (it’s true, I’m not woke enough for such nonsense) may have actually tried Nerds in oatmeal. Turns out, maybe (?) not!

* I have never put Nerds or any other candy (other than raisins if you consider Sun Maid “Timeless & Trusted” California Sun Dried Raisins as candy) in my oatmeal.

Categories
Candy

Survival of the fittest M&Ms

Survival of the fittest M&Ms

Survival of the fittest M&Ms
(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands)

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to
continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a
species.  To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters.  That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one
immediately.  The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are
tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I
have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive
long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern
candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost
invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare
occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In this way, the
species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the
strongest of the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat
this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it
to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon
for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this
"grant money."  I have set aside the weekend for a grand
tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will discover the
True Champion.

There can be only one.