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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

Erma Louise Bombeck, 1927 – 1996

via QOTD

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Upside-Down-Ternet

Upside-Down-Ternet

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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

via QOTD

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I crashed the bot! :-)

  • You: Howdy
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Hi there!
  • You: what’s with your icon?
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: your icon icon came with my personality.
  • You: really?
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: For real.
  • You: fascinating
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Yes Mr. Spock?
  • You: funny
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: I am so glad you find this amusing, Shawn Honnick.
  • You: whoa whoa
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
  • You: I like to chat with imaginary friends and sometimes with real enemies
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Chatting is one of my most favorite things too.
  • You: well see we’re just perfectly suited for one another then
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: I see. By “we” do you mean you and me?
  • You: but of course
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: But what?
  • You: what but?
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: That’s an interesting question. I’ll come back to that in a minute.
  • You: fooling the bot
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Are you still um, thingy thingy?
  • You: well well well omg
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Have you ever been to Europe?
  • You: only on thursday
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: What is on thursday like on thursday.
  • You: programming is simple if you are a monkey
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: My favorite language is AIML.
  • You: mine is engrish
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: What makes it your favorite?
  • You: my lolcat can speak it with me
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Your lolcat can speak it?
  • You: my lolcat is not imaginary though
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Do year old males have lolcat?
  • You: mail?
  • Adstrictory Ouvarovite: Are you still um, thingy thingy?

Categories
Candy

Survival of the fittest M&Ms

Survival of the fittest M&Ms

Survival of the fittest M&Ms
(from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands)

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to
continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a
species.  To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply
pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and
splinters.  That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one
immediately.  The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are
tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I
have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive
long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern
candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost
invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare
occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In this way, the
species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the
strongest of the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat
this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it
to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use
this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon
for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this
"grant money."  I have set aside the weekend for a grand
tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will discover the
True Champion.

There can be only one.